For those of you that haven't seen this yet!!!
 
Penalties for Bass Infractions
Playing loudly during warm up $10
Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
Loud cursing after mistake $10
Playing high and fast after mistake $20
Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
Asking for E tuning note $25
Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
Playing written-out walking line $50
Failure to play written walking line $75
Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
Playing eighth notes $5 each
Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
Dragging fast tempo $75
Dragging ballad tempo $100
Blacking out during ballad $200
Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
Following drummer's tempo $250
Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000
UPRIGHT PLAYER
Showing up before first downbeat $25
Playing audibly $25
Faking changes $25  
Slapping $150  
Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
Excessive sweating $25
Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
Asking leader for a solo $30
Accepting solo when offered $50
Taking second chorus $100
Playing solo arco $400
Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
Playing A Train ending on every tune $200
Playing extended A Train ending on every tune $500
 
ELECTRIC PLAYERS
Checking hair between tunes $15
Experimenting with odd meters $25
Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
Playing with a pick $50
Tuning during ballad $30
Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
Attempting last word on final chord $50
Achieving last word on final chord $100
Long gliss down to final note $200
 
EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
Forgetting strap $10
Changing strings after every set $15
Using electric tuner $15
Setting up mic just in case $75
Forgetting to turn amp on $40
Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
Skull decals on bass $150
Bringing fretless bass $500
 
CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
Asking bone player about their day gig $10
Sitting behind drums on break $10
Quoting Birdland $25
Practicing scales during break $25
Practicing scales during drum solo $50
Practicing $150  
Beginning a sentence with When I was a guitar player... $50
Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are
into sequencing $100
 
BASIC STUPIDITY
Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10
Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20
Asking when the rock set starts $20
Continually asking where are we? $25
Continually shouting Yeah! $25
Asking bone player where 1 is $50
Taking cell phone call during 4's $100

When you get fined for saying  
 
THIS is an ALEMBIC. I didn't bring the Fender; what, you raised in a barn?  
 
P R I C E L E S S ! ! !  
 
J o e y
 
(Message edited by bigredbass on September 05, 2003)

Like I answered before brother Paul the fake one: I lost a fortune already reading those penalties!!
Brother Joey, did you received my mail.
Again from here: thanks for helping me in the neck setting almost accomplished!
 
Paul the bad one

Oh man,
 
You know how many times I've had to explain the Alembic phenomenon to other band members!?!?!?
HA!!!

Oh man,
 
You know how many times I've had to explain the Alembic phenomenon to other band members!?!?!?
HA!!!

I had a musician sarcastically look at my orion and say, What is THAT?  Is there any fine for untuning his guitar??
 

There is not a fine for untuning his guitar, but there should be a bonus if he can get it back intune, without a tuner!!!!!!
 
Besides,  most guitar players are happy to play Fenders or Gibsons, only bass players and a few guitar players have enough good taste to play the best
 
just kidding guitar players, nothing personal!!!!

What would be better is tuning it for him, on stage, without the tuner - well worth the cost!

that's priceless !!!!!!!!