Q. How can you tell the stage is level?
 
A. Drool runs out of BOTH sides of the drummer's mouth.

Ok this isn't about bass players, but I couldn't resist:
 
How can you tell when a lead singer is at the door?
 
They can't find the key and don't know when to come in!

HA HA HA HA
 
That is great, love it!

Producer came to the Singer and asked her to start 1/64 late on first beat, then asked if she could move a coma up at second note, but going quarter tone down at third before came back to pitch on fourth note. At sequel he begged her to make a false start and step in a 1/32 before the beat and the list went on and on...
 
Confused she told him that she couldn't remember all that. So he said:
 
- Ok, just do it how you did on your last try

How do you confuse a guitar player...give him a sheet of music

How do you confuse a keyboard player?
 
Take the music away.

Did you hear about the accordion player who locked his accordion in the car? He came back 15 minutes later, found the window busted and 5 more accordions in the back seat.
 
Weirdly, as I started to type this, accordion music came on for 15 seconds in movie that's on!

What is the difference between a pizza and a drummer?
 
A pizza can feed a family of four.

How do you get the lead singer off your doorstep?
 
Pay him for the pizza.

What do you call a drummer who breaks up with his girlfriend?
 
Homeless!

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.  - Tom Waits

What do you call someone who is tone deaf and likes to hang out with musicians?
 
A drummer!
 
 
Bill, tgo

How can you tell that the stage is level?
 
Drool runs out of *both* sides of the drummer's mouth!

How many singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One...he just holds the bulb cause the world revolves around him. (unscrewing occurs south of the equator)

Why do musicians keep drumsticks on their dashboard?
A: To park in the handicapped spots.
 
What do you call the time when all the musicians go to the bar?
A: The drum solo.